Friday, September 15, 2006

I have a fear of death and yet it's romantic to me
I have a fear of rejection and yet I fear intimacy
I have a fear of loneliness and yet I fear commitment
I have a fear of losing myself and yet I never found me
I have a fear of unhappiness but yet I'm used to melancholy
I have a fear of truth and yet I crave for it
I have a fear of destiny and yet I want to pursue it
I have a fear of passion and yet I want to be consumed in it
I have a fear of living so brightly yet I like the attention
I have a fear of pride yet pride eats at me
I have a fear of the unknown and yet it intrigues me
I have a fear of lost and yet maybe it'd feel free
I have a fear of depth and yet I want to be drowned

We are walking beings of paradoxes, so complicated and we complicate ourselves. We trust in emotions that fail us despite seducing us to believe in their eternity. We believe in our heart and yet our heart lies to us over and over again with emotions as changing as the wind. We try to believe in others when we can hardly begin to believe in ourselves. We are contradictions and every day of our lives we contradict our thoughts with our words, our words with our actions. We are hypocritical right to the very core. How can we begin to live for ourselves when we are such temperamental masters? Faith is so difficult for us because its a beautiful idea, its beautiful to think that for once, there's one thing about us that won't change. It's beautiful to think we're in control of our lives- but are we really? We can't even master our emotions. We suppress them or repress them, and then we make them masters of us.

My heart and my strength
Many times they fail
But there is one truth
That always will prevail
God is the strength of my heart
God is the strength of my heart
God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever,
Forever

debbie at 9:11 PM