Friday, April 28, 2006

waiting. waiting. waiting.

how much time do we spend waiting in our lives?

waiting for the traffic lights to change.
waiting for the queue to reach us.
waiting for the meal to arrive.
waiting for people to meet you.
waiting for the bus to arrive.
waiting to reach a destination.
waiting for days to pass.
waiting to graduate.
waiting to finish life?

life is a waiting queue...

What are you waiting for?

"If we wait until our lives are free from sorrow or difficulty, then we wait forever. And miss the entire point." Dirk Benedict

"If you always wanted to wait for something better, you'd never buy anything, right?" Trip Hawkins

debbie at 10:27 AM

Monday, April 24, 2006

"Do you have a name?"
"I'm crazy."
"I'm serious."

i thunk i'm drink.

ta lala.. tra lalala. i'm not sure i've been taught the right things about life. i'm not sure honesty is a virtue and love is pure. i'm not sure innocence is a gift and charity brings you reward. i'm not sure kindness is all that matters in the end. i'm not sure harmony is so important anymore. i'm not sure that i can be sure. so tell me, why did i learn all these things, so that i could grow up with a beautiful idea of the world that gets thrashed later? i don't wanna leave the rose-tinted glasses by the sidewalk, but the rain is getting heavy. i would like to be the girl that flaps her arms like wings but it's getting embarrassing. i would like to love without holding back but it's getting unappreciated. i would like to give until i receive but it's getting painful. i would like to have many friends but then i know that some friendship requires a version of you that hasn't been updated as of 25/4/2006. i would like kids to continue to think that if they are kind and good-hearted they will become beautiful and have great endings like all great fairy-tales. but i see the cut throat parents who have long forgotten something called values, and how they send their kids to school to learn these things, i don't see the reason for that anymore. teach your kids, learn like me, you've gotta lie, you've gotta backstab, you've gotta bitch, kiss and duck, gotta fight and cry and crap your way through life. tell them money's all that matters, that friendship is as long as the gossip is rife and your friend's a useful pawn. tell them no one really appreciates what they do unless they want to take advantage of them. tell them the truth is that there is no truth, truth is as subjective as it is beneficial to you. tell them their lives could reach a brink where they don't know what they live for, tell them the world isn't kind to those who are kind. tell them they may search their whole lives for a love that is as fictional as the values you taught them and no longer preach or even if you do, no one else does. can't tell them that? i forgot which morning it was when i woke up to get told all of that. i forgot which morning it was i chose to leave my childhood behind. i forgot which morning i woke up and i forgot if i even slept. i forgot, and i would like to remember, but i don't know where to start.

please be kind to the children of the world, some of us aren't ready to grow up into this version of 'adulthood'.

debbie at 10:36 AM

keep watch
tick tock
i'm counting the clock
lining the dots
the shadows are passing
a-passing they're passing
throughout the timings
the tidings the clickings
the swingings
non-stopping persuading
removing erasing moving
forward in towards
reverse rewind retry resign
i can't seem to find
how do i describe
but i'm watching
the clock and
eyes are on
it's on they're on
yours
you
your
shadows go over nose and lips
eyes are on
the frozen clock
hush the silence the silence the silence
the shadows stop stop stop in motion
nothing its nothing
dust locked in the air
eyes are on
you
yours
and not a
thing

moves

anymore

.

debbie at 9:24 AM

Saturday, April 22, 2006

hi, an update :)

these are the things i have done in my company:
1) make skipping ropes out of rubber bands until 7
2) tick attendance for a conference
3) make animation for powerpoint slides
4) make toys out of recycled materials
5) buy lunch for 8 people with a broken lift
6) left alone to man a booth
7) put word documents together
8) choreograph dance steps

can somebody please tell me the relevance of my work and how this """working experience"""" can possibly, if even a little at all, help me in my future endeavours. right, how about teaching me that office life is a boring routine of staring at the computer from 9 to 6 feeling all your life wasting before your eyes doing non-related stuff?

i'm out of my company!! :))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

these few weeks has been traumatic, depressing and lonely. i have learnt how to be alone. learn how to spend time alone with myself. i mean 10 hours in the office, no one goes for lunch everyone buys back. its gotten so bad i realised these last few weeks i will talk to myself. think i've turn a little weird even. sigh.

i'm so glad its over.. i was trying so hard to make things work, just go through it, just go through it, just go through it. last thursday i made a mistake at work. so of course, i stayed back to amend it. and then my mom kept calling me cuz i was supposed to meet her. it was super stressful. i kept apologising to the person my supervisor put me with, "i'm soooooooooooo sorry i promise i'll help you do this tomorrow.. (looks at watch, 9) i've really got to go..." person huffs, "the boss wants to see you" boss gives me this disgusted look like i'm the worst person on earth, "Debbie you're SO bo chap. I want you to FINISH everything, you hear me???? From now on you FORWARD EVERY mail you send out to me, EVERY thing you do you report to me." WHAT THING??? I'm doing CRAP WORK what thing you want me to report to you??????????????? one mistake and you cannot even let it go? i already apologised, i already said i will stay back the next day until its corrected. and then until i cried at the computer, then they said in this repulsed tone, "you go home"

later they insisted to my mom they wanted to send somebody to walk me home. why do i find that so hard to believe. oh, probably because i was standing at the office downstairs for 15 minutes waiting for my parents to pick me up?

grrrrrrrr.. anger is seeping through me. it doesn't pay to tolerate people's insults and crap work does it?

anyway im so glad its over. i'll never go back there again.

debbie at 9:30 PM

Saturday, April 01, 2006

so around that corner
you can't see it with your naked eye
you walk out
walk around the little town
it's a fabulous pretty little city
it's sparkling in glass
and the smell is like roses
so above and beyond that tower
you can't see it from this perspective
there is a beautiful creature
like a mermaid or a fairy
something extraordinary
i tell you as we're crouching against this brick wall
there's a warm meal inside
what you can see isn't always the best
don't you know that
what you can see is the limit
what you can't see is beauty
it's heaven
it's freedom
and over those hills,
you don't know but there's a fairy kingdom
and no you can't see it
but believe me, i know it
i saw it in my mind
alala, alala, alalaha
and there's a choir singing somewhere behind
and if you're tired and want to leave
you just have to
close your eyes
close your eyes, close your eyes
and close mine.

debbie at 12:13 PM