Thursday, May 25, 2006
This morning I heard my mother crying in the shower.
I was packing my bag when i heard her whimpering and my heart almost broke- because, obviously, she hadn't intended on me listening. Then it striked me that she's so human. This is the woman who raised me and while I always thought she had all the answers, the older I grew, the more I realised that she wasn't perfect- but its one thing to know that she's not perfect and another to know that she's still struggling. She's lived through half her life and still crumbles apart. It takes a lot for a woman to be strong and carry on as if she's invincible, and then just when she thinks no one listens, fall apart. I don't know how to deal with it, because she's always this aggressive and domineering person, but suddenly she's even more fragile then a child.
So she steps out of the shower looking distraught and tells me, "bebe pray for me."
Maybe you live half your life and find that the world is as harsh, as cold, as it ever was. All your idealistic dreams of the future when you were growing up starts to disintegrate, and there's nothing left but the reality that everything's still the way it is. How do you deal with disappointments like this when it's your life that you're betting will get better and then it doesn't? And even after living half your life, you still realise life doesn't get better by yourself, you still find a need to turn to God, and tell your daughter "pray for me".
After living half your life, after all this time... you still find that you need God.
I wish I could take her place and undo the mistakes and the things she regrets. I wish I could help her to rewind time, take away all the painful experiences. I wish I could improve her life, somehow, and i don't know how to do that. It becomes very clear to me that the way she is today is a result of the choices she made yesterday. It becomes very clear to me that all these time, only one person has truly been with her and for her- and that's God. I've seen my relatives and her friends leave her one by one, and then it amazes me that while everything that could have gone wrong has gone wrong, she still finds the faith to believe that God exists because to her his presence has never really left her, and his love touches her until today. And I'm amazed at how God has never left her because of the miracles that he's done for her. When I was younger I was sceptical, but then it gets to a point that there are too many coincidences.
What is life? You can only make a decision today what you want your life to be for, and don't make a mistake about it, because forty years down the road, I don't want to fall apart in the shower, hoping my daughter doesn't hear me.
I was reading the fifth mountain by Paulo Coelho. The prophet says, my entire life is a wager. I bet that God exists. You know what, I bet he does too. What's the risk?
debbie at 7:25 PM
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
HEH.
www.ctv.sg
debbie at 9:50 PM
Friday, May 19, 2006
the mind chooses to see what it believes.ultimately, it doesn't matter what you see but what you believe.
the da vinci code will show non-christians a side of christianity that's so unconventional they may actually like it, packed in this extremely entertaining chase for the holy grail. it will give christians a lot of explaining to do. why the controversy? it makes christians and non-christians think- do we believe too easily? do we believe what we see without a question? is jesus "the greatest lie" according to the da vinci code?
when i read the book i was really convinced by dan brown. then when i watched the movie i started to see the flaws. even if the church did decide which gospels they wanted, but if you believe in God, you believe he's all powerful, surely he's already known what gospels will be in his bible, and surely all the gospels of today's bible are there for his reason. i don't think God is so weak and vulnerable to have to have the priory of sion help him to fight for a secret bloodline. if you want to question why those gospels were chosen for the bible, you might as well question why those writers, and then you might as well question God. wait a second, who are you to question God? even if Jesus was married to Mary Magdalene, it doesn't deny the fact that all the gospels, including those rejected, say that Jesus was a wonderful person who preached love and did many miracles because he believed in One God.
and if you believe in the power of numbers, then you will know that if the church did vote on which gospels/doctrine should be inside the bible, simple maths, surely majority wins for a reason.
its an entertaining story, but its a story. so Dan Brown says in the story, it doesn't matter what you see, but what you believe.
yeah, ironic, cos those da vinci advocates should really learn from this line. it doesn't matter what you see in the movie, but what you believe. is God real or not? does he exist, and if he's living right now, he must have the power to preside over everything in life, and i'm sure that includes the book about him.
debbie at 12:27 PM
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Bondage.I look around the lives of people and all I see sometimes is bondage.
Relationships.
Gambling.
Money.
Stress.
Sometimes you wonder why its so hard to live, when so many things are tying you down?
debbie at 11:39 AM
Monday, May 08, 2006
:)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))P E R S P E C T I V E
you can be happy or sad, its your choice
and anyhow, a day passes
the sun and moon the wind and tide
don't care for how you feel
it doesn't take you to stop the world from moving on
it goes on anyhow
Happiness is a choice, despite how ridiculous it can be
debbie at 9:18 AM
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
lovelyyou're so lovely
like the way the clouds drift
gentle like the sway
the sway of the petals
of the flowers of the field
of the tender movements
of the kiss of the wind
of the breath of the wind
against my skin
like the rain
trickling on window panes
the fresh wet greens
of the grass
like the sunset's
pinks and blues and golds
like the intimacy of how
thoughts can be
closer closerthan touch
like the blanket of stars
the lull of waves
one note on the piano
ringing in my heart
a lonely cloud
grazing the horizon
a seashell on an empty shore
that's what you are
like the loveliest things
the loveliest things
the loveliest things
in the world
is what you are
debbie at 11:26 AM