Wednesday, August 23, 2006
I've tried living by myself, for myself and what I want, and believing that I alone have the power to control my own life.
I've tried, I really have.
And it didn't work out.
When you come to a point where you realise that sometimes things happen beyond your understanding or control, you lose it. Because all along, your hope is that you control everything. And things that mess up are also because of you. But it's not always the case...
Unfair, tragic things do happen to good people. Things happen regardless of who you are or what you have done that may be totally undeserving.
So you realise, if I don't believe somebody's in control of this world, then I only have one other alternative- to believe that the world is made up of a series of totally random events that have no meaning at all.
I don't care how people call this reality. I don't care how people say I'd rather believe this then to put my trust in some God that I can't even say for sure exists.
I choose to believe because there are a great deal of things that I want to believe in that won't happen without God. The belief that someone watches what goes on and keeps track of the fallen, the accused, the victims, the depressed, and people who have no one to help them keep scores of their lifetime, the people whom society says has no value.
I don't care if you say its illogical, contradictory, or that its an emotional choice.
It is a choice that I've made, and this is it.
I will risk my life for a belief rather then the other alternative which is too bleak, far too hopeless for me.debbie at 12:21 PM